Monday, January 24, 2005

 

Pandas!

I believe I may have solved the problem of panda reproduction, and a method for averting their species' extinction.
Quite clearly, the reason they aren't making sweet panda love when they're shipped round the world for breeding programmes is they're too picky.
How can we solve this?

Alcohol.

Yes, if we get all the pandas pissed up on some kind of bamboo-based white cider, they'll lose their inhibitions, and start going at it like big black and white bunnies. With their beer goggles on, the guy pandas will no longer turn their noses up at carefully selected lady pandas presented to them for their carnal pleasure, as they hold out for 'the one', and instead will hop on. Likewise, the female bears will be transformed from shy, unfriendly individuals looking for an ugly friend to put between them and the male panda trying to get into their knickers, into big furry slags, anyone's for a bamboo kebab.

Problem solved, I thank you. Next problem please!

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